With a week full of bad sleep.... the Lord woke me up incredibly early yet again this morning. And obviously for some good reasons.
If I hadn't gotten up, I would never have seen the tremendous lightening happening in the sky, or heard the rumble of the thunder. Both things I enjoy and am always in awe of - probably because of it's size and power.
Do you ever wake up and have your first thought be thankfulness or having a deep feeling of gratitude? I'm sure many of us don't, because I know that would be me on most days. But today was different. After having a very odd day at work yesterday, many evenings at home truly enjoying my husband's company and conversation, and the pursuit of something a little more useful of my skills (which I had buried for years) - it was almost like having a revelation as to what real contentment is. And not just saying the words in hopes of convincing myself things are okay, but really feeling and believing it.
No, we haven't won the lottery. Yes, we still have lost every'thing' that society and America strive to own: a business, a house, maybe even some pride and/or dignity. But this wasn't in the bigger plan for us to keep and/or possess. The bigger plan was for us to LIVE, to LOVE, accept and help others. It's up to us now to start the last part of our life together, together. To work through even the smallest of details, together. Our daughters are grown, on their own, have their families and their own friends and social circles. Our time of being the protectors and caregivers has come to a close.
It's funny how God works sometimes. All the thoughts, happenings, emotions.... all of it this week was put in my life for a reason. After being married for 34 years, I can say that 1/2 of one year of it was spent not worrying, caring, or mothering a child. Not that I will ever NOT be a mother, but the roll has now changed. The apron strings are totally cut. On the backend of life, it's time to get back to what's been lacking, and even missing.... and that is devoting time to our marriage. We didn't even know just a few short months ago if we even liked each other because there were pressures that simply pulled us into people we didn't like. But we are still Bill and Karen. We're still the original deal. And we are grateful that we didn't give up, and have honestly and truly BEAT the statistics of divorce for couples who have lived what we've lived.
There is a bigger plan, and it is definitely Bill and Karen GO TIME! And thank you to God that He still, and always will, open doors.